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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28426302">This Is All For You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/firecat/pseuds/firecat'>firecat</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Monty Python RPF, Monty Python's Flying Circus</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Acting, Crossdressing, Exhibitionism, Flirting, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 19:20:29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,384</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28426302</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/firecat/pseuds/firecat</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Three times Graham Chapman flirted with Terry Jones dressed as a woman, and one time something completely different happened.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Graham Chapman/Terry Jones</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>fandomtrees</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>This Is All For You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/saturni_stellis/gifts">saturni_stellis</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Thanks for the fun prompts!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapman screws up his courage and approaches Cleese.</p><p>“Cleese, I need your advice.”</p><p>“Yes, Chapman?”</p><p>“I really have the hots for Jones.”</p><p>“And?”</p><p>“Thing is, he doesn’t seem to notice my flirting.”</p><p>“I’m sure you can escalate until he notices.”</p><p>“That’s just it — short of sticking my tongue down his throat, I’ve tried everything. He’s as rigid as a fence post. And I don’t mean rigid in a good way. Normally I’d just chalk it up to a bad case of being straight, but there’s one thing that makes me feel like I might be missing something.”</p><p>“What’s that?”</p><p>“When he’s playing a Pepperpot, he reacts differently. He bats those damn eyelashes at me.” </p><p>Cleese seems unimpressed. “Well, then. Flirt with him when he’s playing a Pepperpot.”</p><p><i>That might just work,</i> thinks Chapman.</p><p>~~~</p><p>“Which sketch are we rehearsing today?” asks Jones of the director.</p><p>“‘Working Class Playwright.’ You’re playing the mother, Chapman the playwright, and Idle the son.”</p><p>Jones wraps a kerchief over his head and instantly falls into character. </p><p>“Oh Dad, look who’s come to see us, it’s our Ken,” Jones coos.</p><p>“Aye, and about bloody time, if you ask me,” Chapman snarls from behind his newspaper.</p><p>Idle isn’t there, so a minion reads his line. “Aren’t you pleased to see me, Father?”</p><p>Jones wrings his hands. “Of course he’s pleased to see you, Ken...”</p><p>“All right, woman, all right. I’ve got a tongue in my head,” Chapman begins. Then he peers through his glasses at Jones. “Once that delinquent of a son is gone, would you like me to put it between your legs?”</p><p>Everyone laughs. </p><p>Jones takes a moment and then sidles up to Chapman. He clasps his hands under his chin and uses those eyelashes to devastating effect. “Oh, Dad,” he says in his character’s voice. “I would like nothing better.”</p><p>Chapman reaches for him, but the rest of the crew on set think the joke is over. “Cute, Chapman. OK, let’s start over,” the director says. </p><p>Chapman feels every bit as irritated as his character does. </p><p>~~~</p><p>Chapman is standing in as Michael Miles for a rehearsal of the game show sketch, “Take Your Pick.” He leans close to Jones, who is wearing his kerchief, and leers.</p><p>“Now, Mrs Scum, you have won your prize. Do you still want the blow on the head?”</p><p>“Yes, yes!” says Jones in his falsetto. </p><p>“I’ll offer you a poke in the eye...”</p><p>“No! I want the blow on the head.”</p><p>“All right, then, a kick in the kneecap.”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“A cock in the throat?”</p><p>Jones startles, but recovers quickly, and improvises. “Ooh, Mr Miles. Is it a big cock?”</p><p>“It certainly is, Mrs Scum,” Chapman tells him in a voice full of promise. “And it’s all for you.”</p><p>“Blow on the head! Take the blow on the head!” shout the crew members playing the game show audience, on cue.</p><p>“Er, I’ll take the blowj— the blow...” Jones leans closer as if trying to ascertain what’s between Chapman’s legs. Chapman is not quite enough of an exhibitionist to show him right there in front of everyone.</p><p>“Cut!” shouts the director. “Chapman, if you can’t stick to the lines, I’ll find someone who can!”</p><p>Chapman is frustrated. He looks over at Jones. He’s got a silly little smile on his face.</p><p>~~~</p><p>The “Confuse-a-Cat” sketch just isn’t working quite right. </p><p>“I have an idea,” says the director. “Try overacting.”</p><p>“Overacting?” Chapman repeats.</p><p>“‘You can tell me. I’m a Vet, you know,’” the director demonstrates, using a Very Authoritative Voice. </p><p>“That might just work!” says Chapman.</p><p>“And you,” the director says, turning to Jones. “Ham up the accent, and act like a lovesick heroine.”</p><p>Jones twists his hands in front of his bosom. “He joost sits there, ooll day and ev’ry day, almoost mootionless,” he says in a high voice, throbbing with melodrama.</p><p>“That’s it!” says the director. </p><p><i>Jones is really selling it,</i> thinks Chapman. <i>I want to go comfort Mrs B, tell her it will be all right, kiss her...</i></p><p>His cue comes. He stiffens his body language. Experts always have stiff body language.</p><p>“Your cat is suffering from what we Vets haven't found a word for. His condition is typified by total physical inertia, absence of interest in its ambience - what we Vets call environment - failure to respond to the conventional external stimuli - a ball of string, a nice juicy mouse, a bird. To be blunt, your cat is in a rut.“</p><p>Jones’s eyes are going wider and wider as Chapman finishes this speech. It makes Chapman lose his train of thought. He stands up and steps closer to Jones, looming over him. He puts his hands on Jones’s shoulders, looks into his eyes, and says “Would you like to be in a <i>rut</i> with me, Mrs B?” </p><p>“Ooh! Mr Vet!” cries Jones.</p><p>“I think I can definitely say that you badly need to be <i>confused. Disarranged. Dishevelled.”</i> He leans over Jones even further. Jones is staring at him as a mouse stares at a snake. His mouth is open slightly. <i>And he’s still in character.</i> That drives Chapman mad with lust.  </p><p>“It would shake you out of your state of <i>complacency,</i> you know,” Chapman pursues, borrowing a line from later in the sketch. </p><p>Jones suddenly goes limp, and almost falls before Chapman realizes what’s happening. Chapman catches him in his arms. He can’t tell if Jones is faking the faint or not. </p><p>Damn his utter lack of clarity. Was Chapman going to have to throw him down and try to fuck him right in the studio to figure it out?</p><p>The images this notion brings to mind — and to other parts of him — sweeep through him so hard that he nearly does. </p><p>“OK,” says the director, breaking in on Chapman’s lustful reverie. “That’s probably a little too <i>much</i> overacting.”</p><p>Jones springs out of Chapman’s arms, giggling a little. He gives Chapman a sly smile.</p><p>But that’s the end of it. They go back to practicing the scene, with a little less overacting.</p><p>~~~</p><p>Chapman thought they had finished rehearsing the “Spam” sketch. It is time to go home for the night. But the director insists they need to do it one more time. He wonders why the director is smirking when he says it.</p><p>Chapman is really tired of the “Spam” sketch. He has to scream, really scream “I don’t like Spam!!!” several times, and it has given him a sore throat. And he’s heard and said the word “Spam” so many times that it has gone all mushy around the edges. Kind of like the actual product. </p><p>He trudges back into the studio. </p><p>Why is everyone smirking at him?</p><p>And where is Jones? He has a bigger role than Chapman. If the rehearsal needs to be done, he should be there as well. </p><p>Someone stands in for Jones as the waitress, and the rehearsal starts.</p><p>“Spam, Spam, Spam, lovely Spam!” the Vikings are singing.</p><p>“No, you’re off key!” shouts the director.</p><p>Chapman is so frustrated he almost screeches at the director in his Pepperpot voice. It doesn’t matter if they are off key! They are supposed to be rehearsing the timing!</p><p>Jones scurries in at last. He is wearing the dirty trench coat from the old “Flasher” sketch. And his legs are bare. What in blazes? Jones takes up his position behind the diner counter portion of the set, puts on his kerchief, and slouches into character as the bored waitress. They start going through the sketch again.</p><p>“You mean Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam?” screeches Jones. </p><p>The Vikings have started again.</p><p>Chapman shakes his head trying to clear it. He must be even more tired than he realizes. It sounds like they are singing “Graham” instead of “Spam.”</p><p>“Lovely Graham, wonderful Graham,” the Vikings sing. </p><p>Jones comes out from behind the diner counter. His hands go to the belt of the trench coat. He pulls the coat open.</p><p>He is naked. Graham had seen his body before of course — he plays the naked organist — but it always sends a thrill through him. </p><p>A cardboard sign is hanging over his naughty bits. It says:</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>LOVELY<br/>
GRAHAM<br/>
THIS IS ALL<br/>
FOR YOU</p>
</div>Terry bends over and puts his hand behind Graham’s head, giving him a sloppy kiss.<p>The Vikings applaud.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Pepperpot: <a href="https://montypython.fandom.com/wiki/Pepperpot">https://montypython.fandom.com/wiki/Pepperpot</a><br/>Working Class Playwright sketch: <a href="http://www.ibras.dk/montypython/episode02.htm#8">http://www.ibras.dk/montypython/episode02.htm#8</a><br/>Take Your Pick sketch: <a href="https://montypython.fandom.com/wiki/Take_Your_Pick">https://montypython.fandom.com/wiki/Take_Your_Pick</a><br/>Confuse-a-Cat sketch (Video): <a href="https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2yejge">https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2yejge</a><br/>Spam sketch: <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spam_(Monty_Python)">https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spam_(Monty_Python)</a><br/>Flasher (20-second filler) (video): <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x2BVh66XORU">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x2BVh66XORU</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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